I thought I'd sneak back into posting on here since it's been a while. My new job took over a lot and my youth work fills up the rest of my time so these last few months have been hectic but filled with stories good and bad, resulting in me breaking down...
With special events being held, new challenges given and an exciting year of planning ahead it's been so packed i forgot to notice just how much i was starting to lose touch. I went from loafing around in hotels to working 12 hour days, not including youth work or technical demands. Not even to mention the finality of my parents splitting after nearly 30 years to separate addresses, asking for my attention at each of their new homes. My sister in her final stages of pregnancy. Myself moving out. Friends struggling with change. Youth having troubles. Family moving to far away lands and the imminent anniversary of events that shook my world and even my faith. The list goes on...
Then I found myself working near enough every evening on new things, my house isn't even unpacked. With my key to the church the emphasis grew to become proactive and start finding the change that i can make. But to no avail.
A bad youth night sent me spiralling, battling with God and questioning everything i have done. To the bottle I went. Nights spent on a couch trying to forget anything and everything.
Only now do I know that I hit the wall. A thick wall. I even thought I'd made it through but somehow I think i merely made it to the air gap. The same distance lies ahead and I find myself, as ever, still stuck. The pressure doesn't lessen but only increases as time ticks away and I struggle to regain my footing as the list of things to do is forever growing.
I must apologise, I've used this post purely as an outlet to my worries. But I aim to post of my successes these last few months and hopefully the impending events might act as my saving grace. For now I merely pray at the feet of my God. I have a mountain of worries, but God isn't afraid of mountains!
